“Bring it On!“

With the onset of a cold winter we’ve had a few indoor events at the local sporting arena. Usually there’s such exciting events as insurance agency seminars, the occasional gun and knife show and the ever popular women’s expo, an exploration in the dark art of potpourri and decoupage. Recently I was fortunate enough to check out the BIG RV and camper show there. It’s an extravaganza of gas guzzling houses on wheels. You could move a Chinese family of 8 into one of those giant display campers and have them live there quite comfortably. Heck those RV’s have everything I could ever need. When tours would come through I’d just be like “Hey I’m trying to take a shower here! Can I have some privacy please?” Only in America would we be lazy enough to want to drive a whole house across the country. “You know I don’t really want to leave my couch…if only there was a way I could take my living room, kitchen, and bathroom with me. Then I could go see the largest ball of twine!” and so RV’s were born.

In “Race with the Devil” the central star is also a giant gas guzzling camper. It’s a bit older and the interior is encased with shag carpet and wood grain paneling, enough to make your eyes water, but it can still hold it’s own against the onslaught of hippie devil worshipers. A “race” with belezabub is not really a race as much as it is a competitively fast paced walk with occasional rest stops for snacks & ammo and the refreshing dip in the public pool. The racing RV belongs to Frank Stewart, a greasy little elf who is partners with a motocross star wanna-be, Roger Marsh, played by the always groovified Peter Fonda. They plan to take a vacation to Colorado for some rest and relaxation with their fragile nerved girlfriends and practice up on some their combined drinking and motorcrossing skills. During a night of drunken debauchery and fondue they inadvertently notice some hippie tree huggers (in this case tree burners) having a party in a nearby field. What at first appears to just be a bad local outdoor theater production turns into a human sacrifice ceremony. You usually have to pay extra for that.

Figuring these are no renaissance festival actor rejects, Roger and company pack up the Fonda fondue and high tail it outta there just as the satanic fanboys attack their RV. Narrowly escaping that devil’s tailgate party with only a few broken windows and taillights, they go to the police to report the incident. The cops and sheriff having all the competence of the police force from the Dukes of Hazzard pretty much shrug of the incident as a kids prank but the vacationers decide to take their suspicions to the nearest big city instead. Of course mentioning your secret plans out loud is never a good idea and satanists are notorious for having a keen sense of hearing.

What started out as a nice vacation ends up being a desperate cat and mouse game across the state highways. Campsites turn out to be satanic playgrounds with creepy old people in bath robes who lynch dogs and put rattle snakes in your camper. Evil construction workers cause traffic jams and create detours of doom, and roadhouse bars are revealed to be pagan hangouts where Satan spins his evil tunes through the wailing noise of country music. Oh wait, I guess they pretty much already do that.

It all leads to a great road rage chase scene complete with Peter Fonda riding shotgun (literally) and throwing taquilla bombs at their truck driving pursuers. Fortunately redneck satanists are also bad drivers and the vacationers stocked up lots of booze for their trip. Who said there aren’t benefits to alcoholism?

Definitely a fun little action/horror b-movie for fans of Peter Fonda and even more so for fans of RV’s. So I say check it out and always remember to check your tire pressure, adjust your mirrors, and check all your camper’s cupboards for any stowaway rattlesnakes before your trip. There are old people everywhere and they’re watching you.

Keep an eye out for…

- Devil worshipping BBQ’s
- Extreme off roading RV’s
- Redneck roadhouse of the Damned
- Construction workers of the Damned
- Country music of the Damned
- Snake wranglin’
- Dog lynchings
- Pagan pool parties
- Cult book kleptomania

Do you think Peter Fonda drives a Honda? Then he can just say things like “Hey everyone, wanna drive the Fonda Honda?”

rated 8.3 out of 10 for the movie

Check out the trailer for Race with the Devil

“Hey baby Did I mention my other car is a Federation Starship?“

William “Tighten my Girdle” Shatner plays Dr. Robert Hansen, probably the last cowboy/veterinarian left in the state of Texas that makes house calls and can still hold his liquor. A local farmer’s prized cows are ending up dead but not by the hand of the local diner’s butcher, so Robert and a convertible driving blond entomologist decide to investigate. They soon suspect the bovine murders maybe due to an evil large insect that drains the blood of it’s victims and burrows itself underground….and no it’s not Dick Cheney. Robert decides to put the moves on the entomologist with his own brand of Shatner shag and for some reason she falls for his cheesy come-on lines all this leading to a lame side story of a love triangle. But what we really want is more spider carnage!

Their suspicions of a mutant spider invasion are confirmed when they find a big nest of tarantulas partying near the farmhouse. Nothing brings down realestate values like swarms of killer spiders and over-acting starship captains for neighbors. So they have themselves a little spider BBQ beach party and toast spider hill. If William Shatner would have just sang some of his old tunes from one of his albums he may have inflicted some substantial spider casualties. The bomb-fire only ticks off the mutant spider army and like an Orkin man’s worse nightmare the spiders decided to overtake the town. There’s town riots, cacooned rednecks, plane crashes, and old men complaining about the weather along with some spider smashing that’s sure to make PETA fanboys cry. Not being a fan of spiders myself I enjoyed whenever any of those critters got mangled, burned, or smashed. It also makes an excellent drinking game. For every spider smashed you take a shot.

Robert or “Rack” as his non-arachnid friends like to call him, trucks over to his sister-in-law’s house to try to rescue her and her daughter but he arrives a bit too late. Apparently the spiders performed a mid field tackle on the sister-in-law when she was running back to the house. Luckily the young girl has superior survival skills and climbed on a table. I never could figure how some slow moving spiders can take down any running human unless they have a 5ft vertical leap. Interesting little fact is the director paid $10 per spider for use on this film, so I’m sure mother’s across the country were more than happy to lend their kid’s pet tarantula for a brief moment of fame. The potential for it to die a horrible death at the heels of captain James T. Kirk is truly an honor.

“Rack Attack” wrangles up some of the survivors and tries to hold up in a cabin resort barricading the doors and windows. Spiders are notorious for breaking down doors. They put the little girl in a cool dark secluded room for a nap (because that’s always a safe place during an spider invasion) but soon discover the spiders are crashing their party via the chimney and air ducts. Didn’t anybody have duct tape in the 1970’s?

This was one of the better spider invasion movies I’ve seen in recent years (not that there’s been that many) and a superior film to the most recent Spielbergerized “Arachnophobia.” You also gotta love the downbeat ending…even if you can see the brush strokes. So I say put down your tricorder and check out Kingdom of the Spiders.

Keep an eye out for…

- sister-in-law wrangling
- extreme cow tipping
- kamikaze crop dusting
- dirt torching BBQ’s
- Kirk-tastics gymnastics
- spider induced tap dancing
- cocooned rednecks snackpacks
- water tower cop crushing
- matte painting apocalypse
- a bad case of bed bugs

“Shatner was viciously bludgeoned while filming when his toupee was mistaken for a renegade tarantula.”

rated 9.3 out of 10 for the movie

Check out the trailer for Kingdom of the Spiders

“Her date with a midget Mexican Hitler impersonator didn’t really turn out like she hoped.“

Well It’s a brand new year. So I say goodbye to 2007 and all of your “don’t taser me bros” and “Britney Spears head shaving shenanigans” and hello to a year of renewed excitement and new direction and a lot of TV political ads. Ok 2007, sorry I said those bad things before…I’m not really ready for 2008 and all it’s Diane Sawyers and Huckabee Fins. I didn’t mean it so please come back. I did however watch the newly refitted strobe of death light ball drop in Times Square last night and I must say that ball was about as bright as a small red sun this year. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see party goers running in terror as the light burned their retinas from it’s new Eco-friendly LED (Light emitting death) bulbs. But instead viewers got to endure live performances of Hannah Montana and see Ryan Seacrest babble on about his hair. Hmmm…. I think I would have preferred to be blinded.

With a new year comes a new crop of b-movies and I kicked off the year with a film that puts the “b” back in b-movie. It even smacks it upside the head and calls it names and makes it sit in the corner sucking its thumb. It’s sort of a less plot, more blood, more breasts, and well at least one beast…(if you don’t count the lesbian gym teacher)…and one beard, oh and several references to the term “beaver.” But mostly it’s a story about simple minded highschool girls that badly play volleyball, shower together, and shop for groceries…so it’s already better than Spiderman 3 in my book. The girls become the target of a phyco French chef who has been killing girls wandering the nearby forest. I only think he was French based on his angry disposition and hatred for Americans…though he sort of reminded me of a cross between the chef from the Muppets and the lead singer from ZZ-Top.

The surviving group of the girls decide to throw a party that night even with the knowledge there’s a killer on the loose. So after a marathon long grocery shopping session and extensive party preparations that would make Martha Stewart jealous, they finally get the tunes jamming and snacks snacking. Hot tub dipping and extended dressing and undressing scenes pad the film like a Larry Flint with ADD is directing but that’s to just to keep us paying attention.

A few of the local highschool guys crash the bikini hot tub party after narrowly escaping a creepy football jockfest game of twister down the street. Popcorn and Strawberry daiquiri’s are served….and served..and served again. Because nothing helps your senses and survival skills like dousing your brain in alcohol. The chef slices and dices through most of these drunk cattle like a fast food Japanese sushi meal ( but with bad special effects) until a final bikini standoff in the dad’s garage next to a tanning booth ala Hell’s Kitchen. Chef Gordon Ramsay would have been a better choice for the killer and he would have recommended a fine red wine to go with those party snacks. The soundtrack is hilarious with spoofs on Friday the 13th, Footloose, and Flash Dance along with some 80 style metal rock from the band “White Ligger.” (Don’t accept any substitutes like White Tiger or White Lion..there is only one Ligger.) The film is shot in a “we’re almost porn” budget style, but it’s still entertaining and good enough for a beer night… minus the creepy football player party, so I say check it out and bring your swim trunks.

Keep an eye out for…

- olympic volleyball rejects
- cheeseburger obsessed homeless
- gratuitous use of bedroom flamingos
- grocery shopping marathons
- telephone nun-chucks
- Flash dancing rednecks
- hot White Ligger lovin’
- pre-death daikires
- severed leg hugging
- facist taco stands

“White Liggers don’t take showers…they take bloodbaths.”

rated 7.9 out of 10 for the movie

Check out the trailer for Bikini Bloodbath

No new movie reviews this week. I feel it’s a good time to reflect upon the year and celebrate the joyous Christmas season. In the meantime please take a look through my review archives for some great films you may have missed. I’m taking a short break from all the b-movie goodness and building a snowman with my kids. You can see the results below.

” Do you think there’s beer on the moon?” “No, but I wonder if I can drink you too. BUUURRRPPP!“

Well I ‘ve head a bad viral head cold for the past week . Doing my best impression of a brain dead zombie I watched this little late night b-movie gem called “Cheerleader Camp” at about 2:30 in the morning. I couldn’t breath through my nose, my head was clogged up, my body ached and my doctor said I can’t use my nasal spray anymore! Fine advice from someone that can actually breath. I tell you there’s nothing more trippy than a movie this bad like this when your hopped up on cold medicine in the wee hours of the morning. It’ll give you weirder dreams than a spicy burrito platter from La Seniorettas and can give you about as much gas.

The movie’s plot revolves around a group of teenagers who are all driving to the backwoods to a second rate cheerleader camp where a local competition is being held. Guess they missed out on those pesky ESPN tryouts earlier that week. There’s also 2 guys that are cheerleaders along for the ride and what they lack in athletic ability they make-up for in ickyness and mullet hair gel. Lucinda Dickey, better known as Kelly from “Breakin‘” plays the squad’s alligator mascot and former teen stars like Leif Garrett and future porn star Teri Weigel also help round out the almost-actors cast. I believe There’s a few other girls that occassionally say lines but are mostly there to sunbath.

When the competition starts turning up dead and bloody the reaction of the camp leader/warden is priceless. She’s pretty much like “Shows over folks…nothing to see here” and then proceeds to put the body in the freezer next to the fish platters so she can get back to playing hide the Salami with the local Sherrif (she banged the sherrif but didn’t bang the deputy). Meanwhile even more people are getting killed off but this only seems to irritate the surviving campers especially if affects their chances at winning the competition. “I don’t care if Suzie’s got impaled by garden sheers I want to win that trophy!” Might be a good time to pack up the pom poms and head home.

Cheerleaders get smashed, sliced, choked, and chopped but the truly scary scene is where the overweight cheerleader guy decides to get dressed as a woman to go spy on the sunbathing cheerleaders. Oh the horror! Also feel the grip of terror as the two white guy cheerleader attempt to rap while wearing 80’s sunglasses. We now know where Vanilla Ice got his start.

In the end the movie is just a watered down version of Sleepaway Camp with it’s own twist ending you can see coming a mile away but it’s still entertaining none the less. Also watch for the old drunk groundskeeper who says things like “You darn kids are cutting into my drinking time!” or “Makes your pee-pee harder than a bag of nickel jawbreakers!” Priceless. So sit back and enjoy Cheerleader Camp and don’t forget to sharpen your pom poms.

Keep an eye out for…

- full moon drive by
- freezer burned cheerleader preserves
- White man rap of terror
- garden shears to the head
- meat clever to the back
- sheriff/bear trap
- cross dressing peeping toms
- death by long distance phone calls
- pom pom paper cuts

The most horrifying scene in the movie is a fat guy’s butt hanging out a van window. That scene is permanently burned into the dark corners of my brain. Man they can’t kill that guy off soon enough.

rated 7.6 out of 10 for the movie

Check out the trailer for Cheerleader Camp

“If I ever wore a tux like that I’d kick my own ass…..yeah totally… fer shure!”

In Valley Girl, Nicholas Cage plays Randy, a rebel/punk rocker poser who falls in love with your typical spoiled rich shopping queen Julie Richman played like totally awesome by Deborah Foreman. Her gummy smile and feathered hair melts Randy’s heart so he goes on a crusade to win her over and get her out of the valley life. We know he’s from the wrong side of the tracks because he has streaked bed head hair and wears black like everyday’s a funeral. Apparently in the valley you’re required to wear bright pastels to mask your inner shame but Randy chooses to wear his shame proudly. He and his best friend Fred, a skunk haired weasely guy crash a party in the valley to find the girls of their dreams and mooch some party snacks. So they basically kidnap a couple girls for a cruise down the Hollywood strip apparently to show them the better side of Hollywood. That is if they don’t accidentally run over any hookers and crack dealers.

Julie is torn between her life of consumerism and fitting in with her friends while Randy’s quirky semi bi-polar outbreaks keep luring her away to the shadowy Hollywood underbelly. A world where Math geeks play guitar in bars and spontaneous bathroom sex is barely noticed by the patrons. Her former boyfriend Tommy McBrain-Muscle eventually wins her back through constant whining and sleeping with her best friends and then manipulating them into convincing her he’s the better choice. It’s like a whitehouse intern meet and greet. Randy should have just moved to Arizona, lived in a stainless steel camper and watched Nascar. He would have been happier and his hair would have been more manageable in the dry heat. But His stupidity knows no bounds and he continues to harass and stalk Julie through a series of temporary job placements cameos. The director must have thought Randy is just going the distance for love but I viewed as creepy stalker guy who can’t keep a job and sleeps on people’s front lawns. Jessie’s hippie dope smoking parents barely notice their daughter’s dating a mad man and send her to prom with her previous boyfriend dressed to the hilt in a pink tuxedo. They give her advice like “honey just go with your heart.” “Gee Thanks hippie Dad! I should find my inner rainbow too!” Will Randy win back Julie? Will The highschool grocery boy score with the disgruntled house wife? Will Randy’s skull catch on fire as he drives away on a hell-bound motorcycle fighting the forces of evil…oh wait that’s another film.

This movie does reminded me a bit of “Pretty in Pink” except it’s the guys that are wearing pink, there’s no Molly Ringwald, and any resemblance of acting was overshadowed by large flipped up polo shirt collars or big puffy hairdo’s. It’s really sad when you get out-acted by your own hair. I’d say save yourself some time and sit down and listen to some 80’s music while repeatingly smashing your hand with a hammer. You’ll get about the same experience.

Keep an eye out for…

- The JcPenny big-collar valley gang
- Gratutious use of headbands and ankle warmers
- Extreme hair feathering
- Nicholas Cage’s 5 Easy Steps to being a better Stalker
- Illegal use of the term “gag me with a spoon”
- Student driver’s parade of lame
- Peanut butter orderves
- Prom night food fight
- “Crush that fly” battle cry

It’s a little known fact that this movie was believed to be one of the signs of the apocalypse for a small group of Nicholas Cage cult followers in the mid 1980’s.

rated 5.1 out of 10 for the movie (winner of 2007 Lost Highway’s drive of shame award)

Check out the trailer for Valley Girl

“Make any sudden moves and you’ll get an arrow straight through your thunderdome.”

What is the appeal of NASCAR? I’ve watched it a few times on tv and will wake up for the occasional wall smash or mid lane collision. But overall it’s watching cars go endlessly around in circles all at about the same numbing pace. Like a marching band parade at 200 mph. Where’s Rusty Wheeler yelling to his pit crew”Rubbin’s is racing!” and slamming into another car into the outside wall at 200 mph all the while an 80’s soundtrack blares in the background. Days of Thunder this ain’t. Nope Instead I get to be treated to the views of beer bellied fans with the number 31 painted on their tools sheds while they sit on top of their big RV’s scratching themselves. Is that a stereotype of Nascar fans…no it’s a stereotype of RV drivers.

In The Road Warrior, the racing is much more interesting with no spectators and the stakes are your life for gasoline. At $3.25 per gallon I can see why people even today might consider running that Humvee off the road and siphon off it’s fuel supply, but in post apocalyptic Australia it’s purely a matter of survival. Mel “Catholic to the extreme” Gilbson plays The Road Warrior. A man whose lost everything and now travels the desolate highways scavaging for food and gasoline for his muscle car. Not a Speedway or Arby’s in sight he comes across a booby trapped homemade helicopter instead. After a brief stint with a rattle snake and a bad toothed Brit he learns about a nearby operational oil refinery where he could stock up on supplies.

Mel takes the Monty Python wanna-be hostage to track down the oil refinery but finds that it’s also being stalked by a crazy gang of outlander barbarians who want to take the refinery for their own. Lead by a balding muscleman in a hockey mask, they continue to attack the barricaded compound while he spouts his keen observations through a mega phone. It’s sorta like a muscle car truck rally without the high ticket prices.

Mel eventually makes a deal with the leader of the compound to help them all escape to a tropical paradise and with the help of a small furry midget boy who has a striking reemblence to Bam-bam from the  Flintstones,  he hauls the fuel tanker out with a beat up old semi truck. Ehat ensues could be one of the best post apocalyptic car chases and semi truck fight scenes ever….ok it might just be the only one but still a lot of fun to watch. What struck me odd was the fact that the people defended this compound with a flamethrower and a seemingly endless supplies of bows and arrows. Did someone lose all the guns? At least they had a good supply of used football equipment to use for costumes.

Definitely one to watch again if you haven’t seen it for a while. Sad to say I haven’t seen the original Mad Max but plan to now that I’ve experience the greatness of the Road Warrior….and yes I’ve seen Thunderdome..all I got to say to that is “Big wheels keep on turnin’ …turnin’…”

Keep an eye out for…

- football shoulder pads of the apocalypse
- Bad British dental care
- dog food gourmet
- sharp shooter hockey players of wastelands
- bommer-rang Ginsu knives
- Bam-Bam from the Flintstones
- Armageddon archery club

Fortunately Mel Gibson wasn’t drinking when filming Road Warrior. Nothing worse than getting pulled over after the apocalypse on DUI.

rated 8.9 out of 10 for the movie

Check out the trailer for The Road Warrior

“ok tell me again which end the bullets come out of?”

After the carnage of another Thanksgiving day bloated and sleepy, I couldn’t stomach another gruesome horror movie blood bath so instead sat down with a copy of the vigilante movie Death Wish 3. Nothing like a Charles Bronson film to help regulate the old digestive tract. Have I seen the first 2 yet? nope…I figured third times the charm though and really do I need to understand the intricate plots of the first two movies to understand this film? It’s pretty much Charles Bronson with a big gun shooting up bad guys who have poor aim. That really sums up most of the plot of this movie. But what a glorious ballet of old western style vigilante shootouts I’ve ever seen.

Charles Bronson plays Pual Kersey who is accused of a crime he didn’t commit while visiting an old friend in a bad part of town. (acting without a license?). Kersey is arrested but offered a deal by the head balding cop of which there is many. He can murder all the street villains he wants as long as he occasionally calls in and lets the cops know about it. Sounds like a fair deal so Kersey moves into an apartment building in the mean part of the town that looks like a demilitarized zone. The building is occupied mostly by elderly people harboring giant shotguns and pistols and addictions to stuffed cabbage just waiting for a crazy man in a mustache to lead them to destroy the neighbor youth. When Senior Citizens go bad.

The neighborhood is ruled by a gang leader known as the Fraker who played by Gavan “check out my haircut” O’Herlihy. The gangs dressed in a variety of strange ensembles they found at a bargain bin costume store harass the residents and sneak thorugh windows stealing TV sets. Obviously their punishment should be death by a 52 magnum! So Kersey lays down his own law and sets up some mcgyver-like boobie traps for them. people are stabbed, shot with machine guns, thrown from rooftops, set on fire, ran over by cars, beaten with chains, blown-up with missile launcher, kicked, strangled, bludgeoned, and there’s even a few mighty evil glares exchanged. Between all the carnage Kersey even falls in love with a public defender played by Deborah Raffin who is young enough to be his daughter. After they spend the night together she dies in a horrible car accident only to further the revenge fuel for the fire and get back to the killing. The movie finale is great with a huge death toll on the gangs side while Bronson and his magnum walk through the city streets picking off bad guys like some sort of shoot-em up videogame.

I can’t say this is a great movie. In fact it’s pretty laughable but worth watching for the battle royal at the end. Also listen for the insane 80’s soundtrack…everything is emphasized with a 80’s Casio keyboard riff chord even when someone flashes their headlights it apparently needs some music support. Absolutely hilarious.

Keep an eye out for…

- renaissance festival reject gang members
- home tooth removal kits
- extreme foot acupuncture
- geriatric gun control
- reverse mowhawk tattoos
- spikes to the forehead
- extreme stuffed cabbage dinners
- missile launcher pest control
- gratuitous use of an 80’s soundtrack

Charles Bronson has only two speeds, walk and kill.

rated 7.2 out of 10 for the movie

Check out the trailer for Death Wish 3

Well I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. We’re going to get hammered with a snow storm here in Michigan so looks like we won’t be heading up north. I have a 4 day weekend so I should be able to sneak in another b-movie review this week. Save some pumpkin pie for me. I was just thinking wouldn’t The Great Pumpkin from The Charlie Brown cartoon make the world’s largest pumpkin pie? mmmmm…yummy.

Check out the trailer for the fake horror movie Thanksgiving that was a part of the Grindhouse double feature. WARNING: THIS TRAILER IS RATED R!

“The Craftmatic adjustable dead”

Well It’s nearing the end of yet another disappointing MSU football season. The great rivalry game between Michigan and Michigan State ended in yet another tragedy for us Spartan Fans. I swear it’s only when I watch or listen to a football game that we lose, and I sooooo hate losing to those spoiled rich snobs wearing the Corn and Blue. I refuse from here on out to watch any Spartan football game thereby hopefully removing my curse that is on the team and shall now only receive ESPN updates via email along with Viagra ads. I really think our players should be required to watch the movie 300 before every game for some motivation. I mean 300 Spartans held off the Persian army…you’d think we could handle some small furry mammals who call themselves “wolverines.” When is the last time we even had a real wolverine in Michigan? Aren’t they just in Alaska now? We’ll we’d kick their butt in Hockey there anytime.

Freddy vs. Jason is another great rivalry for the ages. The man in the Christmas sweater takes on the world most ticked off hockey goalie in a no holds barred fight to the finish. Freddy is stuck in Hell..which I imagine is a lot like being stuck holding your wife’s purse at Target so he obviously wants to get out and quick. But the only way to do that is to get people to start remembering who is so he can get his power back from their fear. Disguised as Jason’s mother he tricks Jason ( apparently also vacationing in the same part of hell) to head back to Elm St. and scare up a little fear among the local teenagers. But Jason can’t get enough of the killing and starts taking away Freddy kill bonus points for his own score.

Meanwhile A local teen Lori played by Monica “stop staring at my chest” Keen learns about how the town is ran by an inept police force who covered up Freddy’s existence and locked away any surviving kids in a mental hospital. Lori begins to investigate which leads to bad dreams and some of her friends ending up gouged and folded in half like a manwich of death. Amazingly she holds herself together well enough to go to a local rave party out in a corn field. Because when your in mourning it’s time to dance and the safest place to be with a killer on the loose is a cornfield. You’d think nobody would ever move to this town after it’s previous history of carnage. It must have some amazing real estate value and some great schools.

Jason being the big party crashers he is soon shows up and starts his rendition of teenage wasteland getting doused with Alcohol and set on fire. All pretty typical for anyone at a rave party so it takes a while for anyone to notice. Never have you seen so many dumb teenagers get in Jason’s path of slicing destruction all seemingly running up to him in confusion hoping to be spared a horrific death. It’s a corn field people…try not to run towards to guy on fire wearing the hockey mask!

Eventually Freddy ends up in Jason’s world from a quick cop-a-feel by mammary enhanced Lori while they’re driving Jason back to Crystal lake in their Scooby-doo van. Jason been taking a deep snooze via some elephant size tranquilizers injected in his neck for the trip so Lori enters Jason’s dreams to grab a hold of Freddy and bring him back to reality. With home court advantage you can put wages on who you think will win the big final fight between these two horror icons. Lots of body slamming, slicing, dicing and impaling with not a referee in sight. There’s rumors of a sequel coming so we’ll keep our bladed fingers crossed. Definitely a great horror film that does justice to both franchises so I say definitely check it out and place your wages.

Keep an eye out for…

- weed smoking magic caterpillars
- severe head twisting
- machete darts
- literal blood baths
- Jason acupuncture
- extreme nose jobs
- Billy Idol tossing
- Jason dunking
- cop zapping

Man it would suck being a teenager growing up on Elm St. and getting sent to Crystal Lake for summer camp.

rated 8.6 out of 10 for the movie

Check out the trailer for Freddy vs. Jason